Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Preaching to the Choir

I always walk by the fanatical preacher folk at the wrong time, usually when I'm late for class on a day right before a test.

By preacher folk I mean those cool dudes that stand outside in the higher traffic areas of campus and expound on the true message of Jesus which is, of course, obey God or spend eternity in Hell. They point at people and scream about the evils of the gays, or the damnation that abortion will bring, or some such fun stuff.

It always brightens my day for some reason. Those guys always bring a smile to my face in a way that raving lunatics only can. Oddly enough I'm a bit jealous of them. They make so many people smile and that's always something I aspire to do. One guy that I saw today was particularly animated and even more entertaining than normal because he was reacting to the students passing him. He would yell about how fornication leads to burning when a student walking by would chime in with "don't forget about alcohol," and off he would go about that.

Like usual I was off to a class which was extra unfortunate today because I had a strong urge to do one of two things. First, since it's a nice day today, I was tempted (sinner!) to go get some popcorn form the union building and enjoy the rest of the show. I feel like loud Christian gibberish on a fairly liberal campus is enough to keep me entertained for at least a solid half hour.

My other idea was a little more involved. I thought it might be fun to try and make him look normal by comparison. I was convinced that I could make his crazy accusations and fault finding look bland if I really tried hard enough. By the time I reached class I had a solid half dozen sin-taunts that I could have used. Some of the gems: "You! Wearing orange! Don't you know that orange is Satan's color! Burn!" or "Blonds are the devils work! You Jezebel, you'd best repent you hair color or face eternal suffering!" or "Sinners! Jesus will come and use unstoppable karate on you if you don't accept him into your heart immediately!"

Those were that best of them. After that I kind of just took Chuck Norris jokes and replaced his name with Jesus. Less original, but still pretty funny.

Anyway, what I would hope for was that the dude would say something like "Jesus Christ you're psychotic," in a twice-over, extremely ironic statement. Hopefully he's around tomorrow.